DADDY DILEMMA NO. 1: DAUGHTER/S

Despite studies and claims that today’s society is more cognizant of the important roles of women and that their rights and privileges are generally equal to men, young women are still under assault from our increasingly sexualised culture.

However, there is one form of change that is very much appreciated and that is: we are finally recognizing the crucial importance of fathers.

Today's younger fathers spend more time with their children each day - talking, playing and teaching them. If these moments spent and lesson are done right, they will become a powerful tool against the rampant porn on the internet, the dirty magazines, the offensive ads and all the explicit TV programs that are encouraging our daughters to grow faster than they should.

Studies show that girls with relatively involved fathers have been found to do better in school and have higher self-esteem. They're also less likely to become pregnant too young or have problems with alcohol or substance abuse.

Fathers are the official representatives of the Male Species.

If a young girl has a good relationship with her dad and the dad has set a good example as member of the male community, she's unlikely to settle for anything less than the ultimate male figure in her life, or allow herself to be lured and manipulated. To state the gist of the countless researches conducted by psychologists: good mothers make girls feel secure - but the good fathers are vital for their self-esteem.

Never fall into the tragic mistake of neglect.

I know a lot of women who remember their childhood with so much love from a caring dad, but some women I know are still searching for the relationship they never had with their fathers.

So many fathers have failed their daughters, either because they were confused about their role, or just too busy, or - worst of all - not interested enough and just let their wives do the parenting job.

The daughters of these neglectful fathers carry a lack of fathering as a deep wound. In revenge, they're rude and rebellious in their teenage years, often sleeping around, taking drugs or abusing alcohol.

Often times, these girls blame themselves for the failures in their romantic relationships, thinking that if their fathers are too busy or too preoccupied to have time for her, then maybe it’s because they are boring and worthless.

A father who is less participative in his daughter’s life can also affect his teenage daughter's choice of romantic companions. This means, she will be inclined to be attracted to older men often – which often leads to regrettable experiences. College based studies show that a much older boyfriend is more likely to be domineering and controlling in the relationship.

Start while she’s young.

Get down on the floor and play with her! Being a horse for her to ride or a monster that she can defeat, not only reinforces your daughter's sense of safety but also gives her a higher capacity for excitement.

These early games will make her more likely open to positive adventures later on in her life. Also, researchers have found that little girls who play rough-and-tumble games with their dads are less likely to be affected badly by different forms of stress in the future.

Whether your child is a boy or a girl, if you can show a toddler that you can be happy, energetic and even silly at times, then you'll almost certainly increase the child’s capacity to be happy while he or  she growing up. And if you ask for - and listen to - her viewpoint from an early age despite being silly and childish, she'll develop the sense that she's both intelligent and worthwhile.

DADS, DAUGHTERS AND THEIR DATES.

As a promise to a friend of mine whom I was having coffee with early this morning, I will be writing a short list of suggested reminders for her daughter before she starts going out on a date

Here goes:

Teach her to be confident about who she is.  It is always best to start the dating years of your daughter with a high level of confidence and self-esteem. Helping your daughter understand who she is and what she stands for certainly starts long before the teenage years, but the message needs additional focus during this time when insecurities can possibly creep in.  Remind her that she is always enough, and that she doesn’t have to do anything to fit in.
 

Tell her to set boundaries and it’s ok.  Deciding in advance the boundaries she will establish in dating is important. As a father, you can and should help her think through the boundary issues.  For example, how will she act when a young man raises his voice or otherwise demeans her in his presence?  How will she react when a guy tries to get physical or make sexual overtures?  What will she say when the guy is driving and doesn’t appear to respect her?

Young men who are worth dating will respect a girl that sets appropriate boundaries.  Make sure that she knows what she will allow and what she won’t, and that she knows that you are just a text or a cell phone call away when she is out on a date.

Tell her that guys are not into drama (and basically dum).  Despite the fact that teenage girls seem to be all about “hidden messages” and reading things between the lines… sadly, most guys are not that sophisticated or that intelligent.  If she has a rough patch in her dating relationship with a guy or experiences some teenage jealousy, talk about it and then get over it.  Bringing it up again and again only strains the relationship further.  Help her see that just because teenage guys seem dense, they are really not bad people - they are just teenage guys.  And they are also not that into the things that are going on with and between her friends, so she should keep those conversations with the girls.

Tell her that dressing unassertively creates a right mind-set for boys.  Help her understand that guys at her age often have hormones that are in overdrive and that guys are stimulated differently than girls are.  Girls’ feelings are stimulated by romance, closeness, and emotional intimacy.  Guys are mostly visually stimulated, and the way girls dress at school and on a date has a greater impact on guys than she might think.  Being attractive but will still keep a guy interested without sending his mind immediately in the wrong direction.  So keep the important body parts covered, and do it stylishly, and you set the appropriate stage for the right kind of dating relationship.

Tell her that it is OK if you want to date and OK if you don’t.  Not every girl is ready to date at a certain age.  Some are just pressured by their immediate environment and peers... and even the TV series they watch.

Encouraging your daughter to have social experiences in groups can be a good preparation to dating, and dads can encourage these group “hangouts” by making their homes teen friendly.  Your daughter should not feel pressured by her parents, her friends or others to date before she thinks she is ready.  You can help her have the confidence to say “no” when she wants and to say “yes” when she is prepared.

The relationship between fathers and daughters is a special one and she will look to you for the most important dating advice she will receive.  Make sure you communicate what is important to you and help her feel confident and comfortable as she enters the world of dating, and you can help her have a good experience and enjoy her teen dating years.

In the end.

Basically the general rule is to treat all women with respect, courtesy and kindness, and you'll help her set the bar high for the boys and men in her own life. Let’s face it, being a woman is always tough and soon enough, your daughter will need to become self-reliant, clear-headed, emotionally resilient, good with people and responsible for her own life. A good father gives his precious daughter a head-start lesson that should last for ever.