DADDY DILEMMA NO. 1: DAUGHTER/S

Despite studies and claims that today’s society is more cognizant of the important roles of women and that their rights and privileges are generally equal to men, young women are still under assault from our increasingly sexualised culture.

However, there is one form of change that is very much appreciated and that is: we are finally recognizing the crucial importance of fathers.

Today's younger fathers spend more time with their children each day - talking, playing and teaching them. If these moments spent and lesson are done right, they will become a powerful tool against the rampant porn on the internet, the dirty magazines, the offensive ads and all the explicit TV programs that are encouraging our daughters to grow faster than they should.

Studies show that girls with relatively involved fathers have been found to do better in school and have higher self-esteem. They're also less likely to become pregnant too young or have problems with alcohol or substance abuse.

Fathers are the official representatives of the Male Species.

If a young girl has a good relationship with her dad and the dad has set a good example as member of the male community, she's unlikely to settle for anything less than the ultimate male figure in her life, or allow herself to be lured and manipulated. To state the gist of the countless researches conducted by psychologists: good mothers make girls feel secure - but the good fathers are vital for their self-esteem.

Never fall into the tragic mistake of neglect.

I know a lot of women who remember their childhood with so much love from a caring dad, but some women I know are still searching for the relationship they never had with their fathers.

So many fathers have failed their daughters, either because they were confused about their role, or just too busy, or - worst of all - not interested enough and just let their wives do the parenting job.

The daughters of these neglectful fathers carry a lack of fathering as a deep wound. In revenge, they're rude and rebellious in their teenage years, often sleeping around, taking drugs or abusing alcohol.

Often times, these girls blame themselves for the failures in their romantic relationships, thinking that if their fathers are too busy or too preoccupied to have time for her, then maybe it’s because they are boring and worthless.

A father who is less participative in his daughter’s life can also affect his teenage daughter's choice of romantic companions. This means, she will be inclined to be attracted to older men often – which often leads to regrettable experiences. College based studies show that a much older boyfriend is more likely to be domineering and controlling in the relationship.

Start while she’s young.

Get down on the floor and play with her! Being a horse for her to ride or a monster that she can defeat, not only reinforces your daughter's sense of safety but also gives her a higher capacity for excitement.

These early games will make her more likely open to positive adventures later on in her life. Also, researchers have found that little girls who play rough-and-tumble games with their dads are less likely to be affected badly by different forms of stress in the future.

Whether your child is a boy or a girl, if you can show a toddler that you can be happy, energetic and even silly at times, then you'll almost certainly increase the child’s capacity to be happy while he or  she growing up. And if you ask for - and listen to - her viewpoint from an early age despite being silly and childish, she'll develop the sense that she's both intelligent and worthwhile.

DADS, DAUGHTERS AND THEIR DATES.

As a promise to a friend of mine whom I was having coffee with early this morning, I will be writing a short list of suggested reminders for her daughter before she starts going out on a date

Here goes:

Teach her to be confident about who she is.  It is always best to start the dating years of your daughter with a high level of confidence and self-esteem. Helping your daughter understand who she is and what she stands for certainly starts long before the teenage years, but the message needs additional focus during this time when insecurities can possibly creep in.  Remind her that she is always enough, and that she doesn’t have to do anything to fit in.
 

Tell her to set boundaries and it’s ok.  Deciding in advance the boundaries she will establish in dating is important. As a father, you can and should help her think through the boundary issues.  For example, how will she act when a young man raises his voice or otherwise demeans her in his presence?  How will she react when a guy tries to get physical or make sexual overtures?  What will she say when the guy is driving and doesn’t appear to respect her?

Young men who are worth dating will respect a girl that sets appropriate boundaries.  Make sure that she knows what she will allow and what she won’t, and that she knows that you are just a text or a cell phone call away when she is out on a date.

Tell her that guys are not into drama (and basically dum).  Despite the fact that teenage girls seem to be all about “hidden messages” and reading things between the lines… sadly, most guys are not that sophisticated or that intelligent.  If she has a rough patch in her dating relationship with a guy or experiences some teenage jealousy, talk about it and then get over it.  Bringing it up again and again only strains the relationship further.  Help her see that just because teenage guys seem dense, they are really not bad people - they are just teenage guys.  And they are also not that into the things that are going on with and between her friends, so she should keep those conversations with the girls.

Tell her that dressing unassertively creates a right mind-set for boys.  Help her understand that guys at her age often have hormones that are in overdrive and that guys are stimulated differently than girls are.  Girls’ feelings are stimulated by romance, closeness, and emotional intimacy.  Guys are mostly visually stimulated, and the way girls dress at school and on a date has a greater impact on guys than she might think.  Being attractive but will still keep a guy interested without sending his mind immediately in the wrong direction.  So keep the important body parts covered, and do it stylishly, and you set the appropriate stage for the right kind of dating relationship.

Tell her that it is OK if you want to date and OK if you don’t.  Not every girl is ready to date at a certain age.  Some are just pressured by their immediate environment and peers... and even the TV series they watch.

Encouraging your daughter to have social experiences in groups can be a good preparation to dating, and dads can encourage these group “hangouts” by making their homes teen friendly.  Your daughter should not feel pressured by her parents, her friends or others to date before she thinks she is ready.  You can help her have the confidence to say “no” when she wants and to say “yes” when she is prepared.

The relationship between fathers and daughters is a special one and she will look to you for the most important dating advice she will receive.  Make sure you communicate what is important to you and help her feel confident and comfortable as she enters the world of dating, and you can help her have a good experience and enjoy her teen dating years.

In the end.

Basically the general rule is to treat all women with respect, courtesy and kindness, and you'll help her set the bar high for the boys and men in her own life. Let’s face it, being a woman is always tough and soon enough, your daughter will need to become self-reliant, clear-headed, emotionally resilient, good with people and responsible for her own life. A good father gives his precious daughter a head-start lesson that should last for ever.

Freemasonry, Democracy and Human Rights

Throughout history, Freemasonry and Democracy go hand in hand.

Being the oldest fraternal organization in the world, Masonry had its fair share of oppression and persecution. In the older days, most of the members of Freemasonry were the open-minded freethinkers who introduced so many new concepts and ideas about science, the arts, politics, and philosophy; and practically everything about life the world we live in. Many of these new innovations are enjoyed by every individual even until this day.

But it was never easy for the Freemasons of history to speak out their minds during those dark years in history. Hundred… or maybe even thousands of Masons suffered excommunication, torture and death because of non-conformity to the “norms” back in those days. Which is why the purpose of a Mason in improving himself and maintaining to be an upright individual is to enable himself to create a better world and uplift the human condition.

By principle, Freemasonry has paved the way for democracy. In the United States, the original framers of the US Constitution where composed mainly of Freemasons. The instigators of the French and Spanish Revolutions were all Freemasons. The Revolutionary leaders of the revolt in the Philippines during the 300 years of Spanish Colonization were all Freemasons. These are just a few examples of how Freemasons fared during the dark and turbulent times when democracy was still being shaped or when democracy was being threatened.

History, even ancient history will reveal that Freemasonry was a great victim of the most atrocious acts of Human Rights violations; impunity, torture, force slavery and repression. These horrors are the very reasons why Freemasonry’s tenets and principles are deeply embedded with teachings of love, justice and the universal respect for human life. The ancient order and its fore members risk their lives to protect democracy and the basic human rights of every living person against the dogma of the Church, the fascist regimes and the oppressive governments.

A Mason naturally deviates from the norm when he sees that the norm only leads to the destruction of a humane and just society. A Mason deviates and re-examines the rules being imposed upon his fellow men and validates them through the social realities. A Mason deviates and seeks the reformation and re-establishment of a system that is just and equitable to the majority of not to all. A Mason bravely and selflessly deviates and opposes the oppressors with his working tools tightly tucked in his hand and the apron on his waist always clean.

It is the job of every Mason to learn and understand the letters of the Constitution specially the provisions which guarantee the protection of the people from the abuses of the government and once these letters are understood and deposited in their hearts; it is their duty to make sure that these rights remain protected.

Democracy and Human Rights are borne out of a Mason’s heart as it is in his heart where he was made a Mason and until his heart has beat its last, a Mason will defend democracy and will defend the decency of human existence.

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Why Good Girls Go for the Bad Boys.

First of all, this is not 100 percent certain. There still others who prefer the laid-back, mellow type ordinary and run-of-the-mill kind of guy… or girl. But there is a vast majority of girls among us who, whether they admit it or not do fall for the bad boy or the bad girl and this article is about that.

Here are some reasons why girls go for the bad boys:

           1.       Good Girls they think they can change them.

Or better yet, they think they can make the Bad Boy want to change for them. Most Girls think that it is rewarding for them knowing that she is the one girl worthy enough to turn him straight… at least they think it would feel great, if it ever actually happened. Many good women see themselves as “fixers”. They want to fix their bad boy. They believe the “victim stories” these men have told them about why they’re broken, and these good women believe that with enough love and compassion they can help him change. What they don’t realize is that these “victim stories” can be a way for these men to deny responsibility for their bad behavior.

            2.       Good girls are tired of being good.

The Good Girls spent their entire lives doing the right thing, being smart, being responsible.

In high school, the Good Girl handed in her homework on time. She never failed a test. She didn’t ditch class to smoke pot in the bathroom. She was a model student. But now that she’s older, she still plays by the rules. Her boss loves her, because she’s determined and dedicated and efficient. She does whatever she’s asked to do and never causes a stir.

That should make her proud, but honestly, sometimes it just gets boring.

She’s sick of always listening to her head over her heart. Of doing what will pay off in the long run instead of enjoying the moment. Of sticking to a predictable routine.

3.       Bad Boys Seem Sexier

Usually bad boys are better looking or at least they exhibit a certain level of swag, and who doesn’t love a little eye candy? Tattoos and leather jackets, yes please! Of course, there’s something sexy about a guy that all the other women want… until he wants to be with all of them, too.

4.       Bad Boys Bring out the Appetite for Adventure

Other women like the excitement, thrills, and sense of danger bad boys bring. This is especially true for those who have been “good girls” all their lives. Perhaps they grew up in a family that demanded conformity and compliance with rules. So they’re intrigued with men who scoff at rules and shrug off responsibility.

5.       The Nice Guys are Boooooring.

If you ever ask why the bad boys get the good girls, the first and most obvious answer from anyone would be that the nice guys are boring. Sadly, this is true, and the nice guys will rarely claim otherwise, apart from those who are in denial. What works against nice guys and bores girls to death is when they try to flirt like 12-year-olds, by treating women as if they are fragile china and complaining about how unfair men are towards women. Women find a man who is willing to go out of his way to sound polite, play fair, or give up his interests to adopt theirs boring in every sense, which is exactly what nice guys think women want. However, a man who has the respect of other men, is busy on his life’s mission, is confident, and is famous for breaking many women’s hearts fascinates women.

6.       Sucker for Drama

If you grew up in a family where drama and chaos were the norm, living with the drama that swirls around a bad boy feels normal to you. It can also feel exciting, dangerous, or like you’re on a great adventure, because often these bad boys skirt the boundaries of criminal, and on some level, living on the edge of danger is an adrenaline rush.

END

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The Nerds Shall Inherit This Earth

I picked up my eldest son and his friends from school the other day and while driving I heard them talking about things that I have no idea about. Nerd Stuff. That was my instant reaction. It was no surprise; my son is a nerd who goes to a “nerd-high school” (it’s actually a Regional Science High School for the slightly academically inclined kids we like to call nerds) along with other nerd kids. It was nerd-this and nerd-that for a good 30 minute drive home. The car was oozing with nerdy-ness and it was probably flowing out the car windows. I didn’t mind though because I always felt a certain amount of comfort, calmness and security knowing that my son is a nerd rather than some delinquent, ill-mannered acne-faced bully named Rodney. (Oh by the way, Rodney is a real person who terrorized people, including me back in my day.)

For those of you who grew up in the 80’s just like me, I’m sure you’ll remember the movie “Revenge of the Nerds (1984)” about a bunch of geeky college kids organizing their fraternity and becoming the most popular gang on campus after being beaten and bullied by the much bigger and more muscular frat boys. A few decades later, the movie became a reality. The nerds are here and they’ve taken over.

The Nerd

A Nerd is defined by the internet as a person seen as overly intellectual, obsessive, or lacking social skills. Such a person may spend inordinate amounts of time on unpopular, little known, or non-mainstream activities, which are generally either highly technical, abstract, or relating to topics of fiction or fantasy, to the exclusion of more mainstream activities.

 

The word “nerd” was first used in 1954 and was created by a geek doctor with the name of Seuss. They tend to be brilliant and focused on more academic pursuits, such as math and science, and less focused on social interactions.

Geeks are fanboys or girls and they have an extensive knowledge of pop culture and obscure facts related to their particular genres or areas of expertise. There are all kinds of geeks: movie geeks, technology geeks, game geeks, comic book geeks and even food and wine geeks. But get me wrong, there also geeky-nerds and nerdy geeks. (Only a nerd would know these facts.)

To set a better description, let’s use technology: “The Nerds build them and the Geeks use them… and use them a lot.”

A Better View of the Nerds

Long ago, the nerds are associated with funny-looking glasses and weird haircuts. But today, the word nerd is synonymous with a 6-digit salary.

How did that happen? It doesn’t actually take a genius (or a nerd) to figure that out; because they know more about so many things than the non-nerds.

During the better part of their formative years (let’s say high school and college), the nerds are often unaccepted in the general social circles (except when you’re in a nerd school like my two older sons). So they focus on what they do best: study and learn. And while the rest of the jocks, pretty faces, famous personalities and trendy students in the school are so busy living a very short life of fame and parties – the nerds are preparing for the real life ahead of everyone.

Everything is Nerd

All the things in life that made it better and easy are all products invented by a nerd. The gadgets, gizmos and apps the world has come to love are all made by a nerd. Even the best looking cars were designed by nerds. They built them. The world used them. The world loved them. And now the world is dependent on them. Beware, even the best weapons of war are designed by nerds.

Nerds and the Business World

Soon enough, the nerds not only invented stuff they went on and took over selling these stuff.

Today, all the big companies in the entire planet are either owned or being run by nerds. Here’s a few:

• Satya Nadella He was appointed as CEO on 4 February 2014, succeeding Steve Ballmer. Before becoming CEO of Microsoft, he was Executive Vice President of Microsoft's cloud and enterprise group, responsible for building and running the company's computing platforms, developer tools and cloud computing services. Nadella has an undergraduate degree in engineering and master’s degrees in both computer sciences and business. Before joining Microsoft he worked as a member of the technology staff at Sun Microsystems.

• Jeff Bezos of Amazon attended Princeton University and graduated with a B.S. in Engineering, specializing in electrical engineering and computer science. He used to be the President of the Princeton chapter of the Students for the Exploration and Development of Space. (Now that’s some freaking heavy nerd stuff.)

• Mark Zuckerberg

• Steve Jobs

• Bill Gates

• Tim Cook

Companies world-wide hire nerds as CEOs. Because nerds think faster, calculate faster and they learn faster.

For example, a typical marketing, accounting or management degree that takes the average, non-nerd student four years to complete at a state college would take a nerd half the time. And if you run a technology company you will do better if you are a nerd. If you are investing in a technology company you will have more chance of success if a nerd is leading it.

So from that skinny, eyeglass-wearing kid who most likely got picked on; the nerd is now the boss… the Man.

The World at the Hands of the Nerds

The world is being run by nerds… both the physical world and the virtual one. Name one movie you’ve ever loved and chances are a nerd made it. Star Wars, Titanic, Superman, Batman, Spiderman and all the superhero movies – “Proudly Nerd-made”. Your favorite app? Nerd-made.

My Advice:

The next time you met a nerd… and I mean a real nerd and not those idiots who wear glasses and nerdy clothes to impress girls or boys (this is actually going on because nerd is the new sexy.), thank him in advance for the wonderful things and idea that nerd will give this world.

If my sons ask me later on for a fatherly advice about life, I’d probably tell them: BE A NERD. Because I’m banking on his nerdy-ness as his way to a successful life.

To the nerdy kids of the world:

Let the cool kids have the first slice of life and all the spoils from the top food chain of your schools. After graduation, your nerdy passions will be your ticket to money, power and success. You may even end up as leader; waiting quietly to be a Senator or the President so you can have those bullies from school work for you.